This afternoon I was lying down and the baby started moving. Every so often it goes on this wild rampage around my uterus and I can't help but wonder, "What is it doing in there?"
I don't mean what is it doing physically. Obviously there's an assortment of kicking, punching and squirming going on. What I really wonder is what does it think it's doing? When it just moves a bit I assume it needed to shift to get comfortable, but when there's a long string of rapid thumps that move across the inside of my belly, then back again, then a big lump slides down the side, then there's a swift jab to my bladder, I can't help but think that it's up to something. Like it's got a plan.
I never really thought the Baha'i concept of death would be on my mind so much while waiting to give birth. But the comparison to birth, the one that we use to describe what it's like for a soul to die, keeps flipping back and forth in my mind when it comes to my baby. It has expanded beyond an analogy for what it's like to change forms of existence. Now it keeps me thinking about what it's like to be alive.
For example, if we are developing spiritual attributes in this life with no concept of what they'll be used for in the next, what does the baby think of the physical attributes it's developing right now? Is it wiggling around thinking it's got this hand and foot thing figured out, like we sometimes think we understand love or compassion? If so, what does it think hands and feet are for? And when we think we're being spiritually awesome, is there anyone in the realm of the spirit shaking their head and wondering what we think we're up to?
What does the baby think the umbilical cord is for if it has no concept of nutrition or oxygen? Is our understanding of prayer just as limited?
What does it think the placenta is? What does it think sound is? When it swallows amniotic fluid what does it think it's doing if it doesn't know it will someday have to drink? When it goes on a big kicking spree does it think it's doing important work, like when we do a bunch of overtime at our jobs?
It's hard to comprehend that the baby doesn't know who I am. For now I am not understandable as another person, only as a habitat. What does the baby think the habitat is doing when I poke my belly in response to some kicks? Do we get spiritual pokes and not know what they are?
Finally, I have to ask the really big question. Why, exactly, does the baby think it's so important to punch me in the bladder?
Showing posts with label Pregnancy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Pregnancy. Show all posts
Wednesday, November 15, 2017
Sunday, November 12, 2017
Tips For Saying the Long Obligatory Prayer While Pregnant
1. Getting Your Forehead to the Ground
The first, and most challenging, pose we encounter is when the instructions with the prayer say, "Let him then kneel, and bowing his forehead to the ground..." Normally when people do this their knees are together and they just kind of fold forward till their head touches the ground.This is what I look like doing it at the beginning of the third trimester.
Another option, that has become more preferable lately, is to adjust the position my knees. Instead of kneeling like this ...
Leaving a gap between the knees leaves room for the belly to fit when you lower your head to the floor.
As an added bonus, this modification also allows for the lower back muscles to be stretched out.
2. Sitting
Two portions of this prayer are to be said in a seated position. Since both occur right after a section said in the forward kneeling position described above, I have a tendency to just sit up again and sit on my heels.
So far this still works for me. However, lots of other women have more trouble than I do when it comes to swollen feet and joint pain. Since we aren't given specific instructions on how to sit (the notes with the prayer just say that the one saying the prayer should "seat himself"), this might be another spot for a modification. If sitting on your feet is causing pain or discomfort you might want to consider switching to sitting cross-legged for the time being.
3. Getting Up Again
This prayer requires a lot of getting up and down. In pregnancy our centre of gravity changes, and we often feel less steady, so we need to be careful to move in a way that provides stability. Here are some options to help keep your balance when rising back into a standing position after being on the floor .Step 1: Shift your weight onto one hip and bring your feet to one side.
Step 2: Rise up onto one knee while planting your other foot firmly on the floor. Support yourself with your hands. If you feel unsteady stay in this position and make adjustments until you feel stable again.
Step 3: Put your weight on the other foot and move into a standing position.
4. Preventing Dizziness
One area of caution with this prayer is changes to blood pressure that can occur when moving from position to position. Sudden changes can cause severe dizziness, even if you were fine doing the same thing the day before. You can reduce the severity by moving slowly when changing position and taking a few deep breaths before going onto the next section of the prayer. You might also want to consider staying close to a chair, bed, or other piece of furniture that you can hold onto for support while getting up and down. If that doesn't work consider switching to the short obligatory prayer for a while.While some dizziness and light-headedness is normal, it should go away after sitting in an upright position for a few minutes. If it lasts for a prolonged period of time and is accompanied by sudden swelling, visual disturbances, headache, or difficulty breathing, and those symptoms also do not go away after returning to an upright position, consider contacting your health care provider. That combination of symptoms can be a sign of preeclampsia, a medical condition that is unrelated to saying the prayer. If this happens to you, it is likely that these symptoms were starting anyway and that you just happened to be paying more attention to them while praying.
Wednesday, November 08, 2017
Four Reasons to Say the Long Obligatory Prayer While Pregnant
While making efforts to integrate the Long Obligatory Prayer into my day recently, I've notices a few benefits to saying it specifically while pregnant.
- It helps with optimal fetal positioning - One of the unique aspects of the Long Obligatory Prayer is how it integrates movement along with the words. The Medium Obligatory Prayer also does some of this but not nearly to the same extent. The benefit to pregnant women is that most of these movements involve bending forward and kneeling on the ground. Because many of us live in an environment that is becoming more materially comfortable we are spending more and more of our day sitting and reclining, which is quite different than what our ancestors did through most of human history. Women used to spend a lot of time in activities - scrubbing floors, tending fires, weeding gardens - that worked with gravity to get unborn babies into ideal positions for birth. The kinds of movement that go with this prayer are the kinds of movements that many of us are missing in our daily lives and allow for gravity to help the baby into a more optimal position. If your baby is breach or posterior this alone is probably not enough to get it to turn, but would be very complimentary to programs like Spinning Babies or Dancing For Birth.
- It's good for your back - I've found that the same movements that help with fetal positioning can also help relieve the lower back strain that comes with later pregnancy. Prostrating on the floor brings me so much relief that it's tempting to draw out those sections of the prayer just to linger there a bit longer.
- It can be said anytime of day (good if you're getting forgetful) - I don't know about anyone else, but I have never been as forgetful as I have been since I got pregnant. I didn't even know it was possible. I'd heard of pregnancy brain but always thought it was over-hyped. I was wrong. When you're losing track of time, going with the prayer that doesn't need to be said at a specific time of day can be a real bonus.
- You might not have the chance after the baby arrives - The first weeks with a new baby can be demanding. Depending on individual circumstances, prayer might become something that is more likely to happen in short bursts in between other things. Many parenting websites advocate some kind of pampering with pedicures and spa treatments before the birth, but why not give your spirit some extra care while you have the chance?
Monday, November 06, 2017
Birth and Death
This past winter a video popped up on social media of Baha'i actor Justin Baldoni giving a talk that left me sobbing. It was called "What if Birth and Death are Actually the Same?"
The Baha'i views on life after death have been familiar to me for as long as I can remember, and truth be told, Baldoni wasn't saying anything I didn't already know. 'Abdu'l-Baha spoke extensively about the concept of death being like when we are born into this world. In the world of the womb we spend our time developing everything we need to live in this world such as arms, legs, eyes, ears, etc. We don't know what they're for or have any idea how important they'll be. When our birth happens it is a great shock for us since we cannot imagine a world beyond what we have known. But what we find is a world far bigger, brighter and more wondrous than we could have ever comprehended. When the Baha'i Writings talk about death, they talk about it in the exact same way that they talk about birth. Instead of growing physical attributes we grow the spiritual ones we will need to live in the world of the spirit.
What brought me to tears was the story Baldoni told at the end of his talk about his daughter's birth, and his realization that it would not be the last time he welcomed her into a new world. My father and I had talked many times about the similarity between birth and death. Hearing the vivid description of a father's perspective, and his eager anticipation for the day when he could be there as she entered the spiritual world, brought to mind what my own father's perspective must have been.
At the time I was feeling a double dose of grief. I had had to say goodbye to my father and was also trying to come to terms with not being able to have children. For us it wasn't just that birth and death were similar, it was also the illnesses associated with them that overlapped. During the years that he was going through cancer treatment I was being treated for infertility. We would commiserate about needles and doctors and side effects. The endless appointments, how both problems just take over your life, and the uncertainty of where it was all going. There was always a cautious hope that he would get a treatment that would keep him in this world a while longer and I would get one that would bring a new life to meet him.
By the time that video came out both of those hopes were gone. My father had been dead for nearly a year, and after five years of trying to have children, my husband and I were too drained to try anymore. When I heard that story being told I had to realize that I could only ever be on one side of it. My father could welcome me into this world when I was born, and he would welcome me into the next world when I die, but I would never be able to welcome a child after me. Reflecting on the Baha'i teachings at that time was bitter sweet, as it brought both an anticipation for the world to come and a more vivid awareness of what was missing in this life.
All of this came back several months later when, to our tremendous shock, it turned out a baby was living in the world of my womb without any medical assistance whatsoever. As time went by I started to think again about the similarity between birth and death. This baby was totally unaware of what exists in this world, yet was only an inch away from it. He or she was growing lungs with no knowledge of air, a mouth with no understanding of food, eyes with no concept of light. And we in this world and eagerly watching as it grows, anticipating its arrival.
I watched the video again today and spent some time re-reading some of the Writings on the subject. Preparing for a birth makes me think again and again about death. After the past few years I don't think I'll ever again be able to separate the two in my mind. If this is how close this child is to this world, think just how close we are to the next.
The Baha'i views on life after death have been familiar to me for as long as I can remember, and truth be told, Baldoni wasn't saying anything I didn't already know. 'Abdu'l-Baha spoke extensively about the concept of death being like when we are born into this world. In the world of the womb we spend our time developing everything we need to live in this world such as arms, legs, eyes, ears, etc. We don't know what they're for or have any idea how important they'll be. When our birth happens it is a great shock for us since we cannot imagine a world beyond what we have known. But what we find is a world far bigger, brighter and more wondrous than we could have ever comprehended. When the Baha'i Writings talk about death, they talk about it in the exact same way that they talk about birth. Instead of growing physical attributes we grow the spiritual ones we will need to live in the world of the spirit.
What brought me to tears was the story Baldoni told at the end of his talk about his daughter's birth, and his realization that it would not be the last time he welcomed her into a new world. My father and I had talked many times about the similarity between birth and death. Hearing the vivid description of a father's perspective, and his eager anticipation for the day when he could be there as she entered the spiritual world, brought to mind what my own father's perspective must have been.
At the time I was feeling a double dose of grief. I had had to say goodbye to my father and was also trying to come to terms with not being able to have children. For us it wasn't just that birth and death were similar, it was also the illnesses associated with them that overlapped. During the years that he was going through cancer treatment I was being treated for infertility. We would commiserate about needles and doctors and side effects. The endless appointments, how both problems just take over your life, and the uncertainty of where it was all going. There was always a cautious hope that he would get a treatment that would keep him in this world a while longer and I would get one that would bring a new life to meet him.
By the time that video came out both of those hopes were gone. My father had been dead for nearly a year, and after five years of trying to have children, my husband and I were too drained to try anymore. When I heard that story being told I had to realize that I could only ever be on one side of it. My father could welcome me into this world when I was born, and he would welcome me into the next world when I die, but I would never be able to welcome a child after me. Reflecting on the Baha'i teachings at that time was bitter sweet, as it brought both an anticipation for the world to come and a more vivid awareness of what was missing in this life.
All of this came back several months later when, to our tremendous shock, it turned out a baby was living in the world of my womb without any medical assistance whatsoever. As time went by I started to think again about the similarity between birth and death. This baby was totally unaware of what exists in this world, yet was only an inch away from it. He or she was growing lungs with no knowledge of air, a mouth with no understanding of food, eyes with no concept of light. And we in this world and eagerly watching as it grows, anticipating its arrival.
I watched the video again today and spent some time re-reading some of the Writings on the subject. Preparing for a birth makes me think again and again about death. After the past few years I don't think I'll ever again be able to separate the two in my mind. If this is how close this child is to this world, think just how close we are to the next.
Tuesday, October 31, 2017
Sunday, October 29, 2017
Two Years Later ...
It's been two years since I've touched this blog. Not the longest stretch I've had but pretty significant. These past two years have been filled with enormous upheaval and change.
At the time of my last post I was in the early stages of a pregnancy that had not been announced. It didn't last. A miscarriage happened near the end of 2015.
My father continued to decline in early 2016 and, eventually, we were given the news that the cancer had transformed into a more aggressive kind of cancer. Six days later we said goodbye and he passed away to the Abha Kingdom. While his death was peaceful, the following months were painful and confusing for our family.
One of the things that we went through in those months was another pregnancy loss. That pregnancy hadn't lasted as long and the last one but I was drained by the end. Both pregnancies had been achieved through some fairly serious medical intervention so the time, energy, and emotion that went into them went well beyond the weeks of the actually pregnancies.
2016 was a pretty painful year.
This year has been a time of trying to put myself back together. A lot of life had been neglected during all that tragedy. It's an ongoing process but at least there has been a break from the avalanche of loss. And after all that, this year has brought a blessing I had started to think I'd never see.
I am now six month pregnant.
At the time of my last post I was in the early stages of a pregnancy that had not been announced. It didn't last. A miscarriage happened near the end of 2015.
My father continued to decline in early 2016 and, eventually, we were given the news that the cancer had transformed into a more aggressive kind of cancer. Six days later we said goodbye and he passed away to the Abha Kingdom. While his death was peaceful, the following months were painful and confusing for our family.
One of the things that we went through in those months was another pregnancy loss. That pregnancy hadn't lasted as long and the last one but I was drained by the end. Both pregnancies had been achieved through some fairly serious medical intervention so the time, energy, and emotion that went into them went well beyond the weeks of the actually pregnancies.
2016 was a pretty painful year.
This year has been a time of trying to put myself back together. A lot of life had been neglected during all that tragedy. It's an ongoing process but at least there has been a break from the avalanche of loss. And after all that, this year has brought a blessing I had started to think I'd never see.
I am now six month pregnant.
Wednesday, June 26, 2013
An Unexpected Result
The last few weeks have been hard. And wonderful.
On June 4th I was recovering from the tail end of a virus and feeling very frustrated. My usual signs of fertility didn't seem to be appearing and the weirdest symptoms of my cold seemed to be getting worse, not better. I was lying on the couch fighting off waves of nausea when I started to get angry that my body was playing such a cruel trick by making me queasy when I new I couldn't be pregnant. To stop myself from fantasizing about a common cold being pregnancy I decided to take a pregnancy test.
It was positive.
I was so stunned that I didn't know what to think for the rest of the day. The next day I decided I didn't believe what I'd seen so I took three more tests, all different brands. They were positive too.
I walked around stunned for the rest of the week before telling my husband. The day before I told him I took another test just to make sure. The first few times with word "pregnant" came out of my mouth I felt like I was lying but five different pregnancy tests had all said that it was true. Because of how well I was keeping track of my cycles I am fairly sure that I conceived prior to the last period so I hadn't had the experience of "being late" that's usually the first sign of pregnancy. Lost of women have some implantation bleeding around the time that would have been their period but mine was heavier than the stories I'd heard so I didn't think that could be it.
The next couple of weeks went by fairly easily. In spite of that early queasiness I never got really ill and I had no problem being accepted into a midwifery practice where an initial appointment was booked for around week 10. Then a little past week 7 I started bleeding again.
The past week has been dedicated to preventing a miscarriage which has been nerve-wracking, draining and physically painful. In the end there is good news though. When the bleeding stopped a sixth, and then seventh, test showed that I was still pregnant.
On June 4th I was recovering from the tail end of a virus and feeling very frustrated. My usual signs of fertility didn't seem to be appearing and the weirdest symptoms of my cold seemed to be getting worse, not better. I was lying on the couch fighting off waves of nausea when I started to get angry that my body was playing such a cruel trick by making me queasy when I new I couldn't be pregnant. To stop myself from fantasizing about a common cold being pregnancy I decided to take a pregnancy test.
It was positive.
 |
| The first positive test. |
I walked around stunned for the rest of the week before telling my husband. The day before I told him I took another test just to make sure. The first few times with word "pregnant" came out of my mouth I felt like I was lying but five different pregnancy tests had all said that it was true. Because of how well I was keeping track of my cycles I am fairly sure that I conceived prior to the last period so I hadn't had the experience of "being late" that's usually the first sign of pregnancy. Lost of women have some implantation bleeding around the time that would have been their period but mine was heavier than the stories I'd heard so I didn't think that could be it.
The next couple of weeks went by fairly easily. In spite of that early queasiness I never got really ill and I had no problem being accepted into a midwifery practice where an initial appointment was booked for around week 10. Then a little past week 7 I started bleeding again.
The past week has been dedicated to preventing a miscarriage which has been nerve-wracking, draining and physically painful. In the end there is good news though. When the bleeding stopped a sixth, and then seventh, test showed that I was still pregnant.
 |
| Proof that I'm still pregnant. |
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